Choose to Love [Blackhawk Brothers 2] (BookStrand Publishing Romance) Page 10

  “I enjoyed our exploration and shopping and ...” He let his words taper off as he again held her with his eyes. Baylee couldn’t look away from him. There was something more, something that spoke to her spirit. She could smell his scent, musky, masculine, and filled with power. A power that held her captive, making her want to stay in his spell forever.

  Baylee fought to clear her thoughts. If she didn’t get it together, she would start believing in love and passion and marriage. She blinked as she found herself fighting tears and choking down the lump lodged in her throat.

  Chapter 12

  Baylee held out until they were about two hours out from Seattle before she gave in and fell asleep. Grant tightened his arms around her and sighed in contentment. He hadn’t planned to feel this way. It was a heady combination of protective, excited, and aroused. He pushed the last thought away, but not before he felt his body react. He carefully moved to relieve the tightness. Damn, the way he felt would complicate his life if he let it. Baylee had made it all too clear that she didn’t want a relationship. She wanted one thing, and that he wasn’t willing to give her, or at least not on her terms. However, the idea of a family had been looking better and better lately.

  If he made a list of what he wanted in a mate— The thought made him draw in his breath. Now where had that word come from? People didn’t mate, for cripe’s sake. Still, if he had a list, she’d fit it perfectly. She made him laugh, she was beautiful, intelligent, and she made him laugh.

  So okay, that was the second time he’d thought about how she made him laugh. He had to admit that although he hadn’t consciously thought about wanting that element in a woman, now that he’d experienced it, he didn’t want to give it up. He didn’t want to give her up.

  People were gathering their things. The ferry must be getting close to docking. Grant shifted a little, reluctant to wake Baylee and lose the warmth and feeling of everything being right with his world.

  The decision was taken out of his hands when the ferry’s whistle blew. Expecting it to startle Baylee, he was surprised when she slowly opened her eyes and smiled up at him. She reminded him of a sleek feline as she moved her body in a sensuous stretch.

  The day had taken a turn that excited him, and Grant couldn’t wait to get her alone where he could act on it. As they walked off the ferry, she slipped her hand in his and gave him a smile full of promise.

  The weather, as if to take its cue from them, had turned, too, and a soft mist swirled around them, replacing the earlier sunshine. Grant hailed a taxi, and within minutes they were at the hotel. He hesitated, but when she turned toward the elevator, all thought of getting a drink before heading upstairs flew out of his mind.

  The elevator was empty, and she melted into his side when he put his arm around her waist. She felt so good, so right. Urgency gripped him, and he willed it down. He didn’t want to scare her, and hell, he was scaring himself with this fierce need surging over him.

  She handed him her key card, but when he went to take it out of her hand, it felt like she had a death grip on it. If you could call two fingers a grip.

  He looked up to see her staring at their hands. His voice came out low and husky. “You’ll have to let go.”

  She released the card like it suddenly became too hot to handle. He’d bet it had been awhile since she’d engaged in sex. Well, it had been a while for him, too.

  Grant opened the door and stepped to the side so she could go in first. The room looked golden in the last rays of the early spring night. She moved into the room, keeping a little distance between them. What was going on? She seemed, what? Tense? Scared?

  His voice whispered in the still room. “Baylee, look at me.”

  She didn’t look up. He let out a pent-up breath and stepped closer. She didn’t shy away, but she didn’t exude warmth, either.

  “Tell me what’s wrong. Do I scare you?”

  She slowly raised her gaze to his. He sucked in his breath at the naked look of panic in her eyes. “Oh honey, come here.”

  He held his arms out to her and breathed a sigh of relief when she stepped into them and wrapped her arms around his waist. He kissed her forehead with a tenderness that had been missing a few minutes before. He stood holding her for a few minutes until he felt her relax. Then he stepped back so he look down at her. Smiling, he said, “Okay, what was that all about.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s me. I guess I just had a moment of nerves.”

  “Nerves? I’d say it was more like...we don’t have to take this to the next step.”

  A nervous chuckle escaped her lips. “I want to.”

  A look of disbelief flashed over him. Or was it relief?

  A genuine smile formed on her lips, and he willed himself to be still. “But I need to tell you something first.”

  Grant felt his pulse speed up. If she didn’t want him as much he did her then it had to be okay. Or was it something else? A growl welled up in his throat. Did she have a boyfriend that she hadn’t told him about? Hell, if she did, she’d outright lied to him. No, given what he knew, that wasn’t it.

  He stuck his hands in his back pockets and stalked over to the window.

  Baylee took her jacket off and hung it in the closet. Turning, she held out her hand for his. Without a word, he gave it to her. The room was pretty good size, with a king bed, love seat, and a matching chair. He chose the love seat, and she joined him on it.

  Grant shifted his body toward her and laid his arm along the back. The last few minutes had cooled the sensuous emotions that had been swirling around them since she’d woken up on the ferry, and for that he should be thankful. Instead, he felt like something he’d held for a brief while had been torn away from him. A cold dread slowly crawled over him.

  “I have to tell you...”

  Cripes, she still looked scared. He waited. Now she was really scaring him.

  “I haven’t, I mean...” She lifted her eyes like she was beseeching him to help her.

  Grant slid his arm off the love seat and pulled her into his arms. “What haven’t you done, or felt?”

  As soon as his words left his mouth, suspicion took over. All the signs had been there for him to see. She was the epitome of a modern, experienced woman and kept her emotions under tight control. But under all the facade, he’d sensed her innocence. He just hadn’t recognized it.

  When he lifted her chin with the tips of his fingers, she accepted it but kept her eyes down. “Baylee, look at me.”

  “I can’t. This is so embarrassing. I wouldn’t have told, you but I was afraid you’d know.”

  “I wouldn’t necessarily have been able to tell.”

  “But you’re a doctor.”

  Grant laughed, and it brought her head up to look at him. Well, at least that was an improvement. She was looking at him. “Yes, but I’m a man first. Without the membrane, there’s no physical evidence. And like I said, I wouldn’t be thinking like a doctor.”

  He watched as color flooded her face. “You have had a pelvic exam, haven’t you?” Of course she had.

  Great, now he had his doctor’s hat on. He watched her shake her head and said, “This is highly unusual. Most women have a pap smear around the age of eighteen to twenty. And I thought you’d been into see Dr. Summers.”

  Baylee pulled back a little. “I did, but Alicia and I are friends. I only went to her for advice and consultation.”

  “Ummm, I see.” But he didn’t “see” at all. Even if she hadn’t had the routine pap, she wanted a child, a biological one. Yet she’d never had an exam?

  “Why?”

  “Why haven’t I had an exam?”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Well, that, too, but why haven’t you...”

  She shifted and pulled away. “In school, when other kids were experimenting, I kept thinking of mom and her boyfriends.”

  She smiled down at her hands, but it looked more like a grimace. “I wasn’t popular. I was too smart, too ugly, too...”

>   He picked up her hand. Her nails were well shaped but cut short. The clear nail polish complemented them like a color wouldn’t have. She didn’t have any rings on since she’d taken off the mock wedding band. He pressed the palm of his hand against hers and felt the pulse leap in his throat.

  “I have a hard time imagining you as anything but beautiful.”

  His whispered words hung in the silent room. She looked up, and he fought the urge to close his eyes and pull her into the sensual vortex he wanted to surrender to.

  “I was fat. Really fat, like eighty pounds overweight.” She swallowed, and he felt an answering sympathy. It couldn’t have been easy to overcome the hand life had dealt her.

  Before he could say anything, she went on. “It, I mean the eating, started when I was around twelve. Then the first year of college it just seemed to stop. I didn’t even notice.” Baylee stopped and looked up at him. “You don’t want to know all this.”

  “Yeah, I do.” He felt a pull around his heart when he realized how much she had to trust him to tell him these things.

  “Okay but remember, if you fall asleep, I’m going to sock you.”

  He laughed. “You got it, but I’m not worried that will happen.”

  Baylee’s voice was soft, and she hesitated for a second.

  Grant took a breath, fighting to listen when what he wanted to do was silence her words with a kiss.

  Once she started, the words flowed out, and Grant knew he’d made the right decision.

  “The first year of college went by, and like I said, I didn’t really pay much attention to what I ate or how much I weighed or what I wore. Then the second year, I met Alicia. Some benevolent turn of fate assigned us as roommates and changed my life. She was the first real friend I’d ever had.”

  “One day she sat me down and said we needed to talk. By then we both knew for sure where we wanted our careers to go. She pointed out to me that an attorney is part facade. That in order to ‘sell’ I had to look the part. In other words, dress for success. I took a good look then. I’d lost the eighty pounds plus some additional ones, and the oversized clothes made me look like I weighed even less than I did.”

  She got up and walked over to the window. Grant tried to see her as she’d been then but couldn’t.

  “Before I started law school, I made a hundred-and-eighty-degree turn in my physical appearance. I would sit in on court proceedings and watch the attorneys, noting how they dressed and how they walked. I didn’t care which gender, but of course I paid more attention to the female attorneys, especially the successful ones.”

  She turned and held her arms out to the side. “Voilà, a changed person.”

  Baylee dropped her voice. “Or least on the outside. To anyone looking, I’m a twenty-eight-year-old woman who has a successful practice. They see...”

  Grant moved so fast he surprised himself when he pulled Baylee into his arms. His heart actually hurt. She’d tried to lighten what she’d said, but looking into her eyes he saw what he suspected she allowed few to see.

  He swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn’t feel pity, and he didn’t want her to think for even a second that he did. His voice vibrated, deep and low. “I’m proud of you.”

  At his words, Baylee stepped back, searching his face. “Proud?”

  “Yes, I admire you and...”

  He again pulled her back into her arms. “And much more. I want ...”

  Hell, what did he want? To be her friend? Yeah, he wanted her in his corner. To be her lover, for sure, and he realized it was more than the physical part of it he wanted. To be the mother of his children? Where did that creep in? Well, why not. He knew beyond a doubt that she’d be the kind of mother his was. It didn’t get any better than that.

  He finished his sentence. “I want you, Baylee. In every way. To hell with the statistics. We’re way beyond mere physical attraction.”

  She didn’t respond, and he tightened the embrace. “You know I’m right, damn it.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck and melted against him. “So what are we going to do about it?”

  The breath rushed out of him, and he didn’t realize he’d been holding it.

  Grant didn’t know what he was going to do in the long term, but his body didn’t care. Almost instantly, the battle between his body, sprit, and mind ceased and became one. He felt the power of who he was as his heart rate sped up, and blood surged and pounded though him.

  He moved his mouth over hers, coaxing hers open. When she did, he deepened the kiss. She met him halfway, and he felt the tip of her tongue stroke against his. They moved toward the bed, and Grant ran his hand under her shirt. When she made a mew sound, he fought a deep, primal urge to let go, to be whatever he would. For himself, for her. He lifted his head. Damn, he hadn’t brought any protection with him. A mental image of the box in his bag had him biting back a curse.

  “Honey, we need to take this to my room.” He pulled away, and she made a sound of protest.

  “I don’t have anything with me.”

  “What do you need?”

  Grant laughed. She sounded like he felt. Not happy with an interruption. He watched as she came back to earth. “Oh!”

  “Yeah, oh!” He was surprised when his words came out in a growl. There was something intimate that the words belied. Maybe the muted sound, maybe the room. Grant rolled to his side and pulled her close. “Give me a second, and we’ll go down to my room.”

  “Do we need to? I’m not in the right time of the month.”

  Again his totem—Grant refused to call it by anything more, asserted itself. He could feel the rational part of himself pull away, trying to keep control. Still, the totem’s instinct was strong. He remembered his father telling him that the spirit made itself known when earthshaking events were happening. For the warrior, a time of danger and death. For the healer, when the time wasn’t right for a mortal to step through the portals of life. For the lover—well, his dad hadn’t talked about that.

  He pulled back to watch her expressions. He’d never had unprotected sex. It wasn’t something a responsible man did. “Are you sure?”

  Night had descended, and they hadn’t turned on the lamps, but the city lights and Grant’s night vision made it possible for him to see well enough. He wanted to make sure she understood what they were about to do.

  Baylee nodded, but Grant still didn’t think she fully realized the extent of what they were about to do. He was ready to take this next step and to fully accept any consequences from it. He just wasn’t so sure about Baylee, and the fire in his belly told him that once they started this, there would no turning back.

  He balanced his weight on his arms and smiled down at her. “I’m not sure you do, so let me again say, I won’t create a life and not be part of it.”

  “We won’t. At least not tonight.”

  “We could. Nothing is assured and especially with natural birth control.”

  He held his breath and waited. He knew what he wanted, but it had to be what they both wanted.

  When she pulled his mouth down to hers, he didn’t question anymore. Closing his eyes, he deepened the kiss and moved toward heaven.

  Chapter 13

  Baylee felt Grant’s weight. He shifted, rolling them so she rested on top of him. She reached down and found his mouth with hers. She couldn’t seem to get enough, and she closed her eyes as she savored his taste. When a compelling sense bade her open her eyes, she complied and found herself gazing straight into his. He was beautiful, and his eyes drew her in with their almost otherworldly look. She traced her fingertip across his full lower lip. When he took it into his mouth and lightly bit, heat spread over and through her.

  “Give in, and let your senses take you with me. Feel me, touch me, and taste me. There are no boundaries.”

  At his urging, she let her body and heart take over. The gratification instantly made her draw in her breath. She felt like they were merging. She followed as he led.

>   * * * *

  Grant couldn’t believe the passion. Baylee instinctively knew where to touch and where to taste. With a growl, he rolled again so he had better access. If he kept allowing her full reign, he wouldn’t last long enough to bring her to the climax he wanted for her.

  When her lips came to his distended nipples, a growl escaped. They weren’t using words. He wasn’t sure he was capable of voicing what he felt. When his hand traced down and cradled her, she pushed against him. She was wet, hot, and ready. Not yet, though. He wanted more for her. He used his fingers, and her scent changed. He drew a deep breath, taking it in. When she tensed and trembled against his hand, a feral smile teased his lips.

  He looked down at her and willed her to again open her eyes and look at him. When she did, what he saw made him surge, harder and stronger. He was more than ready. “This is your first?”

  Her eyes were glazed, not fully focused. He could only imagine what she saw in his. Did she see the beast of his totem? He didn’t see or sense fear in her.

  Her voice whispered her answer. “Yes...I—”

  He placed his finger over her lips and felt the tug of her mouth when she mimicked what he’d done and nipped him. He smiled, and she answered in kind.

  Slowly, he rose over her and entered. Again her body answered, and she wound her legs over his hips. Tight, hot, and wet, she drew him in. “What do you want?” He breathed out the words.

  “More,” she whispered back.

  He felt the barrier and watched to see that she was okay. Wonder, awe, a fraction of a second of pain. He sensed as much as he saw, and for the first time welcomed the spirit and beast within him. He’d give her everything. Beyond what mere mortals could give. All his senses heightened until thought became like a mist in the air. Slowly he began to move, and again her body answered him. He increased the pace, fighting for control. When he felt her release, he growled low and deep, following her over into a longer, harder release of his own.

  She trembled in his arms as she came down from her own climax, and he was glad when she didn’t talk but instead snuggled into him.