Choose to Love [Blackhawk Brothers 2] (BookStrand Publishing Romance) Read online

  Baylee took a deep breath. The air held the same fragrant scent it had the night before. Maybe with the sunshine warming the air, the man wouldn’t seem so much bigger than life.

  Like the last time, she stopped to enjoy the scene of the lake in front of her. She could feel her heart pounding in anticipation of seeing Grant. Sometime during the long night, she’d started thinking of him as Grant. Not good, she didn’t want this to become personal, and Doctor Blackhawk was safer. How idiotic can I be? Like creating a baby together isn’t as personal as it gets?

  Baylee had heard the sound of machinery when she got out of the car but hadn’t given it much thought. Now the closer that she got to the meadow, the louder it sounded. She stepped off the trail and froze as a huge metal monster lumbered toward her. Almost immediately, the machine shut down. The sounds echoed into silence.

  A big man that looked almost identical to Grant swung down from the cab. He didn’t look happy to see her, and his voice was gruff with reproach. “Want to watch where you are going when you hear machinery.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were so close.” She glanced around him, scanning the meadow.

  The man wiped a sleeve across his face. He seemed to accept her apology, and his voice mellowed. “Getting warm out here. Can I help you with anything?”

  He evened sounded like Grant. He didn’t introduce himself. It seemed like he expected her to know who he was.

  “Is Grant around?”

  The man’s smile would knock most women off their feet. Unless she was mistaken this was Grant’s brother. Would Grant tell him about her? Or had he already done so? On second thought, she was good at reading people, and she’d bet this man knew nothing of why she was here. Taking a breath, she decided to go with a half-truth. “I’m leaving this afternoon, or tomorrow morning, and I’d hoped to say good-bye.”

  The man looked at his watch. “He should be back any minute. He’s meeting a logger out here in about half an hour.”

  “Are you going to build out here?”

  “Not me. This is Grant’s place.”

  Baylee was surprised. Building a house seemed sort of strange for a bachelor. But maybe it was more of a cabin. Curiosity prompted her. “Is it going to be a big one?”

  The man laughed. “Oh yeah. You know Grant. He doesn’t do anything halfway.”

  She looked around the meadow. Just last night it had been pristine. She knew that she must have looked shocked when he took a breath and said, “Don’t worry. Even though it’s going to be a large home, it will blend in and be a part of the meadow and lake.”

  The black truck from last night eased into the meadow and stopped. “Speaking of the devil.” With a wave, the man headed back for the bulldozer.

  Baylee sucked in a breath at Grant’s fluid movement when he swung out of the truck and walked around to the front. Leaning against the fender, his gaze moved over her. It didn’t look like he was going to meet her halfway. Slowly, his gaze traveled to her lips. At a loss for words, she gave herself a mental shake. For cripe’s sake, she was an attorney. Words, arguments, and negotiations were her life. She was letting him get to her, and it needed to stop. Now! Squaring her shoulders, she walked toward him.

  Silently, he watched her. “So, decided to try again?”

  “Sarcasm. I would have thought better of you.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, you think I should be flattered?”

  “No, but I did—do—expect you to be courteous. After all, I was honest with you.”

  Grant rubbed his hand over his face. “So you think honesty gives you the right to…” He stopped and took a breath. “Hell, what brings you back out here? I sort of thought that after a night to think about it, you’d come to your senses.”

  Baylee smiled. He was everything she wanted. Having a child with his genes would give her the family she’d always hoped for. “I did think about it. I didn’t come to my senses, as you put it, because I still hope you’ll accept my proposal after you have time to adjust to the idea. I know that I sprung it on you. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if some strange guy asked me to be a surrogate for him.”

  “Yeah, well I never thought about it that way. And I can’t imagine a single guy asking a woman to be a surrogate. Like I said, my basic values make it impossible for me to support people purposely raising children as single parents. I have a very traditional family, complete with a great mom and dad and three brothers.”

  Baylee nodded. The conversation was easier than it had been last night. This is what she’d originally hoped for. “It doesn’t get much better than that. I wasn’t so lucky.”

  “Divorce?”

  “No, mom was a flower child. You know, free love sort of thing. She doesn’t have a clue who my father is, and five stepfathers later, I stopped caring that I didn’t have one.”

  She shrugged. “Sorry. Bet that was more information than you wanted.” She took a deep breath. “I came out here to tell you that I’m taking off for home. I’d originally planned to stay a couple of weeks, but work is piling up.”

  Grant nodded. “And you thought you needed to let me know this?”

  “Yes, well like I said, I hope you will give what I asked some thought. And I’d like to leave my phone number and e-mail address with you.” He opened his mouth but didn’t get a word out before she continued. “I know there isn’t anything in this for you. You don’t know me, and why would you care that I want a family? It’s just that once I decided on artificial insemination, approaching you didn’t seem that far out of the realm of possibility.”

  Grant moved away from the truck. Baylee felt excitement surge through her and stepped back.

  Seeming not to notice, he motioned toward the trail. “I’ll walk you back to your car. I have a meeting in a few minutes with a guy to talk about cutting down some trees so we can widen the road.”

  So, he wasn’t going to comment on her leaving or say any more on the subject she’d come to discuss. Instead, as they walked up the trail, Grant talked to her about mundane things. Normal, everyday, getting-to-know-you conversation. The anxiety disappeared, replaced by a feeling of rightness. It felt strange, in a good kind of way.

  * * * *

  The trail was rough, and when Baylee stumbled, Grant reached out to catch her. He’d been trying to deny his physical attraction to her by talking, but when his hand encircled her waist, he pulled her against him. At the feel of her, he fought to keep control. Pulling back, he caught her gaze and lost himself in it.

  A few steps and they could be in the privacy of the forest. Did she feel the same things he felt? He held her captive with his gaze. When her lips parted, a half growl escaped him, and he let emotions take the reins. Taking her mouth, he gloried in her response. He drew in her taste. Her scent drove him to seek more.

  They had barely stepped off the trail when a truck bounced slowly by. Damn, the logger. He’d forgotten all about him. He willed his pulse to slow down and gently pushed away from her. “Go back to the lodge. I’ll come to you as soon as I can get away.”

  She looked dazed and didn’t argue. Slowly, she turned and started back up the trail to her car. He watched as she got in and drove off. What had happened? He wasn’t a kid, for cripe’s sake. And he for sure wasn’t a virgin, but he’d been in virgin territory just now with feelings he had never imagined.

  Angry with himself and not sure why, he turned and strode back toward the meadow.

  * * * *

  His brother pulled a cold beer out of the cooler and handed it to him. “It’s been a good day. A few more like this one and we’ll be ready to start the foundation.”

  Grant nodded. He could feel every muscle in his body. He wasn’t used to this kind of work. After the logger had left with the promise to start work the next day, Grant had started the chain saw to work on the brush the bulldozer had knocked down. He’d pushed himself, trying to purge Baylee from his thoughts and even more from his senses.

  C
ooper sat down on the top of a log they’d rolled over to the edge of the lake. “So, what’s going on with the pretty lady?”

  At the mention of Baylee, Grant bit his lip as an image of her superimposed itself over the lake. He clamped his mouth shut. He wasn’t about to tell his brother about her proposal. Or about the strange awakenings she stirred in him.

  When Grant didn’t say anything, Cooper stood up and tossed his empty can into the garbage bag. “Okay, but if you want to talk, you know I’m here for you.”

  He clapped Grant on the back before heading out for his truck. “Got to get home. I have a wife and son to hug.”

  After Cooper left, a silence fell over the meadow and lake. Grant watched his brother’s big truck roll out of the meadow, with a mixture of yearning and peace. He was where he wanted to be, or so he’d always thought. Since Cooper’s marriage and then baby Caleb, Grant had been having second thoughts on the merits of bachelorhood.

  And now there was this other element. An element so ancient it seemed impossible. He walked down to the lake and skipped a rock out, watching the ripples spread out from where it landed. Like the rock, the gene he carried had a ripple effect. Serene if controlled, and if not?

  He was the oldest of the four Blackhawk brothers. Tyrell, two years younger, shared the ancient gene with him. As far as he knew, Devon and Cooper didn’t have it. Unlike him, Tyrell embraced the gene, but Grant didn’t want to live a life on the edge like Tyrell, who worked special ops. He doubted that he could emotionally survive the raw violence of it. He’d researched the phenomenon or condition or whatever the hell you called it. His ancestors believed and embraced animal totems. Shamans were said to possess supernatural abilities. It didn’t take a great leap to go to the next level, that of a shift changer.

  But why now? Unlike Tyrell, Grant had never practiced changing. Physically, it was impossible, and yet he had seen his brother do it.

  He threw another rock out into the lake. He remembered how scared he’d been the first time he’d seen Tyrell change. He closed his eyes, remembering and seeing the giant wolf stalk toward him. One minute a brother, the next a wolf. He had tried to scream, but no sound came out. The next thing that he remembered was Tyrell bending over him. He was shaking so bad all he could do was moan. His brother tried to help him get control. When that didn’t work, he had picked him up and taken him to their father.

  His dad had explained about totems, and that his great-great-grandparents could change. He went on to tell the boys that they had a choice. They could embrace or reject the gene. Tyrell made his choice and within the month had joined a missionary rescue and recovery team. Grant, likewise, had made his and suppressed the gene. He’d never shifted form and only on rare occasions felt the primitive calling of the gene within him.

  Again he asked himself, “Why now?” What was it about Baylee that had him feeling so out of control?

  He looked around. While he’d been musing about things best forgotten, night had fallen. A quarter moon hung in the clear sky. There were no clouds. It would be a pretty day tomorrow. Gazing out across the lake, he felt a shout gather in his throat. Giving way, he let himself go and wasn’t surprised when a mournful howl echoed back.

  Chapter 5

  Back at the condo, Grant felt restless. He had told Baylee that he’d see her tonight, but he knew that wasn’t a good idea. And did she even expect him to? Their emotions out on the trail had been running high until the logger had interrupted them. It had flat scared the hell out of him. Had she felt the same way? If so, he wouldn’t blame her for packing up and taking back off for California.

  He paced back across the kitchen and pulled the door open on the fridge. There was nothing to eat there. He made a mental note to go grocery shopping tomorrow. Damn, would it hurt to call and invite her to dinner? They could eat at the lodge in the dining room or lounge. On second thought, maybe not the lounge. With the dim lighting and small tables and round booths, it might be too intimate a setting.

  No, dinner could lead to other things, things he didn’t want to think about. What was it about this woman? Sure, she was attractive, but he’d known other pretty women and never felt like this.

  He paced back across the kitchen. Maybe a bowl of soup would be enough. He pulled a can out of the cupboard and stared at it for a moment before setting it down on the counter. Not sure what he wanted, he headed for the shower. He’d clean up and just drop in at the lodge. See if Devon wanted to have dinner with him. His brother ran the lodge and could usually be counted on for an impromptu dinner. And if not, well, it only made sense to ring up to Baylee’s room.

  * * * *

  So much for good intentions. Grant looked at his watch and let out a whistle. Good grief, it was midnight. He hadn’t eaten. His stomach picked up on what his head already knew, and it let out a rumble of protest. He’d had good intentions, but on his way to the bathroom he’d stopped and turned on the computer. It wasn’t e-mails that drew him. It was the bookmarked web pages he’d all but forgotten he had.

  Over the years, he’d rejected the myths and superstitions of his Native American heritage until Tyrell’s metamorphosis. Even then, he hadn’t wanted to talk about it or even to acknowledge it to himself. Until now, he had been able to distance himself from it, but he had a niggling feeling that the attraction he felt for Baylee was not only irrational, it was instinctive.

  Grant refused to let some ancient aberration control his life. Men controlled their own lives. They weren’t animals who let their natural instincts rule.

  He stretched, easing the pain in his back. He needed to get something to eat and hit the sack. The next day would start early with rounds at the hospital and then a full day at the clinic.

  Grant quickly put a sandwich together and pushed back the twinge of guilt at not calling Baylee. Even if she hadn’t expected him to follow through, even if she’d packed up and headed back to California, he still should have called. Better yet, he shouldn’t have told he’d call her in the first place.

  The shrill sound of the phone brought Grant upright in bed. The bedside clock read, cripes, one thirty! Had he even been asleep. It didn’t feel like it.

  He fumbled for the phone. Before he could even say hello, Brad started talking. Grant couldn’t understand what he was saying. “Whoa, where are you?”

  “I’m outside your door. I rang the doorbell, but you didn’t answer. Where are you?” Brad’s off-kilter laugh grated on Grant’s nerves.

  “You think standing outside my door and phoning me in the wee hours of the morning is funny?”

  Grant made his way to the door. Brad was slumped down and looked like he planned to settle in for the night. “For cripe’s sake, get up. How did you get here?”

  Brad waved toward disappearing taillights. “Taxi.”

  “Well you better get in here before the neighbors call the police.”

  Brad picked himself up and stumbled over the door sill. “Thanks buddy, knew I could count on you.”

  Grant shook his head. This had to stop, but it wouldn’t do any good to talk to Brad tonight. “Grab the bedding. It’s still on the sofa from last night.”

  “K, thanks buddy,” he repeated with a slur. Grant didn’t wait to see if Brad got settled in. He needed sleep. Promising himself he’d have a talk with Brad in the morning and get this behavior straightened out, he crawled back in bed.

  * * * *

  Grant walked out of the hospital to bright, warm sunshine and took a deep breath. It had been a long week. It seemed like there was a rush on gall bladder surgeries. Not that it was all that unusual. It happened just about every year around this time. People made New Year’s resolutions to lose weight, so they’d start a fad diet, and a few months later they reaped the results.

  It didn’t help that he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since Baylee had invaded his life. He didn’t like it a bit that he’d let her get to him. If he could keep her out of his dreams, he could handle the rest. As it was, the dreams
were so real that the first thought that he had in the morning was of her. Maybe if his body would stop reacting every time he remembered the kiss they’d shared, he could forget her.

  He almost passed by his car, and he mumbled a curse. Boy, did he need the weekend. The physical exertion of clearing the meadow would be a good thing.

  He had just opened the truck door when he saw Alicia. Not wanting to be rude, he waved and hoped that would be enough. No such luck, as she had parked right next to him. Turning, he said, “’Bout ready to call it a week?”

  “Oh yeah, seems to be a rush of baby making lately. Or maybe more like baby delivering.”

  “For me, it’s gall bladders.”

  They both laughed. Grant hemmed and hawed and finally asked the question he couldn’t seem to choke back. “Have you heard from your friend? What was her name…Baylee?”

  If Alicia was surprised, she hid it well. “Yeah, as a matter of fact, I talked to her today.”

  Grant waited for more, and when Alicia made to get into her car, he quickly said, “She got home okay, then?”

  “Yep, busy. She said the work had piled up, and she grumbled about marriage and divorce and...” Alicia shrugged her shoulders.

  Grant waited, but Alicia again didn’t expand on her friend. Reluctantly, he nodded, wished her a good weekend, and got in the truck. Damn, the meadow and a workout didn’t seem to be calling as loudly as it had a few minutes ago.

  By the time he pulled into his slot at the condo, he’d talked himself into at least e-mailing Baylee. After all, that would be the gentlemanly thing to do, he reasoned. Not that she would expect it, but she had given him her e-mail address and phone number. Too bad he’d tossed them away, but he knew where to find them.