Choose to Love [Blackhawk Brothers 2] (BookStrand Publishing Romance) Read online

  Jeffrey sat silently, letting Tracy carry the conversation. Baylee looked over and caught his eye. They’d been friends for a long time and mutually respected each other. It made them good partners.

  Conversation flowed as it always did when all three of them got together. They discussed enlarging the practice with an associate and another paralegal. Tracy participated and asked if maybe they should consider hiring a receptionist to free John, their paralegal, up. As it was, he covered the phones until the part-time student got to the office in the afternoon.

  “Good idea. We should brainstorm with Tracy more often.” Baylee would have loved to get Tracy to work in the office at least part time, but Jeffrey had never been warm to the idea. Maybe when the twins reached high school and college loomed, he would change his mind. He wasn’t dominating or anything close, and he didn’t object to anything Tracy did. She could have worked any place, except he didn’t want to have his professional and personal life meshed. Or so he had explained to the two women on numerous occasions.

  A warm breeze with the promise of spring greeted them as they left the restaurant. Jeffrey motioned toward Tracy’s car parked next to his. “Why don’t you run Baylee home, and I’ll go pick up the girls. You said that they were at the library, right?”

  Baylee shook her head. “It’s only a few blocks, and this weather is so sweet I want to stay out a little while. Besides, the walk will help me justify some of the calories in that fettuccini I just ate.”

  Laughing, Tracy countered back. “I’ll go along with you wanting to walk, but not that you need to worry about calories.” Frowning, she added, “But do you really want to walk in those shoes?”

  Baylee hadn’t changed out of the clothes she’d worn to court including the three-inch heels. “I’m used to the heels. In fact I never gave them a thought until you mentioned them.”

  Again exchanging hugs, they said their good-byes, and Baylee set off for home. As she got closer to the office and home, she picked up the pace in anticipation. Would Grant answer her e-mail tonight?

  She cleared her mind and thought about the things he had said to her that first night at the meadow. He’d made a good point about a child wanting to know who its biological father was. Would she be able to tell her son or daughter she had used a sperm bank? Or, if she did manage to convince Grant, would she be able to withhold his information from an inquiring child? What about raising a child as a single parent? She ticked off the pros in her mind.

  1. A child would grow up without bickering parents.

  2. A single parent would have undivided time with them.

  3. There wouldn’t be a money issue. She made enough to easily support a family and give a child the extras.

  Baylee felt a renewed sense of purpose, until she again thought of the things Grant had pointed out, like having a family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Plus having a father in his or her life. Of course it was easy for him to say, it sounded like he’d had everything that had been missing in her childhood. By the time she graduated from high school, her mother had been married six times. In addition, she’d had live-in relationships in between. It had always been the same. First the courtship, when her mother would all but ignore her. One time she’d taken off with a guy for a week. Baylee had been nine at the time. She remembered how scared she’d been. Then the food ran out, and she had been hungry and even more scared.

  Slowly and sometimes not so slowly, her mother’s relationships would unravel and then the fighting would begin. Most of the time things got physical, and more than once Baylee witnessed it.

  No, thinking of what she knew about Grant, she would bet the bank that he didn’t have a clue to what children suffered from bad marriages. She thought about statistics, and they weren’t good. She’d recently read a survey that had the divorce rate in America for first marriages at 50 percent, second marriages at 67 percent, and not that she’d ever be in the position, but third marriages at 74 percent. No wonder her practice was thriving.

  Baylee had been so deep in thought, she was surprised when she walked up the steps to the wide front porch of her home and office. Depression had replaced her earlier excitement as it mingled with the now familiar sense of loneliness.

  It was early, too early to go to bed. For the first time in forever, she didn’t want to even look at any work. She’d been anxious to get back to her e-mail, but after thinking everything over, she wasn’t sure she wanted to risk getting something from Grant that would further depress her.

  Well, one thing she could do. She could take a nice, long bath and shed these clothes. Maybe a glass of wine would relax her. Picking up on that idea, she kicked off her shoes.

  Baylee leaned back in the tub and let the scented water cover her. The bath was helping but not enough. Plain and simple, her life didn’t appeal to her anymore. She wanted a baby, wanted to watch it grow up. And, being completely honest, she admitted she wanted a marriage like Jeffrey’s and Tracy’s.

  She slowly moved her hand through the water and reached for the glass of wine. She felt hollow, like something was missing. She tried to set a name to the feeling. Was it loneliness, or yearning? She wasn’t sure, but she knew she didn’t like it.

  The water was cooling. Grabbing the large fluffy towel from the heating rack, she dried off and wrapped it around her. An unwanted image of Grant filled her mind. Damn, this looked like it was going to be another long night.

  Chapter 8

  Grant toed off his boots and headed for the fridge and a cold beer. The condo felt cool after an afternoon working out at the house. He smiled in anticipation of getting an answer to his last post to Baylee.

  They’d been writing back and forth for a little over a month, and there had only been once that he’d had to wait over a day to hear back from her. He remembered that time and how he’d imagined the worst. The unfamiliar, lost feeling he’d experienced still haunted him. Now, she answered back within a few hours.

  Grant had to admit that, true to her word, Baylee had made every effort to start over with a friendship.

  He had to hand it to her. Honest to a fault, she hit things straight on. She didn’t play coy or games and instinctively he trusted her. Strange given the circumstances of their friendship, but then again maybe not. Right from the start she had been up front with him.

  Anticipation grew as he sat down and booted up the computer. Like him, she led a very busy life. She had written that she was trying to work with her partner to restructure their law firm so she could cut down on her hours. These past weeks he’d learned a lot about Baylee. He hoped that she knew him better as well.

  He reached for the keyboard, thinking of what he wanted to tell her. The house was coming along faster than he had expected. They were ready to start picking out the interior. He frowned down at the pile of selections on the floor. There were a dozen carpet and tile samples. He picked up a strip of paint colors and frowned. Damn, maybe he should just call someone to do this. His mother had offered, but something had kept him from taking her up on it. Smiling, he admitted what that something was. He wanted Baylee’s input, wanted her to be a part of the home he hoped to create. He took a drink of beer and started to type.

  Good evening, just got back from the property and I took a picture of the house for you to see. Can you believe how far along…

  He stopped and stared at the monitor. Damn! He wanted more than e-mail. In the weeks they’d been writing, they had veered away from their emotional beginning and lapsed into a mundane accounting of their days. Hell, his dreams gave him more than these blasted e-mails.

  Eight o’clock, the evening loomed in front of him. He hadn’t even seen Brad for over two weeks. “Cripes, you’re pitiful. Get a life!” he mumbled to himself.

  A beer at the local watering hole sounded better than it should, and again he thought about the way his life was going and how his feelings were changing. Did he really want more in his life? A real relationship? Even marriage?

  Gr
ant shuddered as the last rays of the day lit up the patio outside his window. He went outside to watch the moon rise and felt a new struggle deep within. A primal struggle, one that he’d suppressed all these years. One that Baylee seemed to have triggered in him. And one that he still refused to allow to surface.

  He needed to do something about Baylee. Reasons to steer very clear of her out weighted the reasons to go to the next level. Distance, careers, hell, even their convictions about what constituted family. He rubbed the stubble on his jaw, knowing that the need to see her again had begun to outweigh the reasons to stay apart.

  Before he could think himself out of it, he reached for the cell phone on his belt and punched in the number he’d gotten off the lodge’s register when he’d gotten her e-mail address.

  Grant drummed his fingers on his desk as he listened to the phone ringing. One, two, three, four, damn, he’d gotten used to her answering his e-mails right back and had assumed she’d been home in the evenings.

  He started to disconnect when a man’s voice said, “Hello.”

  It was eight o’clock, and a man’s voice was answering? They had never discussed if either of them were seeing anyone. Anger at himself, and something else a lot more primitive, had him growling into the receiver. “Is Baylee around?”

  “Um, yeah, sure.”

  He heard the guy holler to Baylee and her mumbled reply. Then her voice came over the line.

  He took a breath and fought to bring his emotions under control. “Sorry, if this is a bad time.” He wasn’t going to offer to call her back. Too damn bad if it was a bad time.

  “Grant? Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you called. I’m so happy to hear…”

  Her voice trailed off like she’d just realized she’d said too much. She certainly seemed happy to hear him. So who was the guy?

  Before he could say anything she mumbled, “Just a minute”. He could hear her talking to someone but couldn’t hear their words. A few minutes later, he heard the sound of a door shutting.

  “Grant?”

  “Yeah, still here. Maybe calling isn’t such a good idea.”

  “No, I’m glad you called. It’s just that you have the office number. Normally your call would have gone to voice mail, but we pulled a long day. Jeffrey, my partner, thought it was his wife calling when he picked it up.”

  Grant felt a weight lift from him. He had never been jealous and didn’t think the emotions he felt were from feeling it now. They were more primitive, and as much as he hated to admit the existence of a wolf’s spirit, he couldn’t completely discount it.

  He pulled his mind back to what Baylee was saying.

  “Let me give you my home and cell number. And could I call you back in, oh, about fifteen minutes?”

  “Let me call you. It’s just past eight, so how about nine. That way you’ll have time to wrap up what you’re working on and maybe pour yourself a glass of wine or a cup of tea.”

  She laughed. “You know me better than I thought.”

  Grant felt his mood lift as anticipation filled him. Giving Baylee time on her end meant he had time on his. And he could use it. He wanted to get his thoughts organized and his feelings under control. It was something he should have done before he called her.

  Almost an hour later, Grant muted the TV and picked up his cell phone. He swallowed and fought the excitement that filled him. This was ridiculous. Why the extreme physical attraction? The only thing he could think was causing it was that he’d been celibate for almost a year. It wasn’t a healthy state, at least mentally. “Maybe I should take Brad up on his invitation for a beer and dinner tomorrow,” Grant mumbled. Brad had been calling every Saturday afternoon and badgering him to go out. “Be just my luck, this week he’ll give it up and won’t call.”

  Grant smiled when before the second ring, the phone was picked up. “Get things cleared up in the office?”

  “Yes, I’m really glad you called.”

  “It’s Friday. I wasn’t sure you would be in at this time of night.” He was fishing, and she probably knew it. He had presumed she didn’t have a relationship, but the shock of hearing a man’s voice earlier, even though he knew now that it was her partner, made him rethink his assumption. Maybe he’d been wrong, and it was just that the guy she was with couldn’t father a child. Again, something deep within him stirred.

  Her voice came back clear and without hesitation. “I rarely go out on Friday nights. After the long week, I’m usually too tired to do more than curl up with a good book.”

  So much for the fishing expedition. He decided to go the direct route, and heard his voice deepen. “You know, we’ve never discussed relationships. I feel we’ve enjoyed honesty on a high level, so I hope this question isn’t going to upset you.”

  Closing his eyes, he waded in. “Are you in a relationship with anyone?”

  Grant held his breath. The silence that followed his question made him think she might have hung up. He cleared his throat. “You are upset.”

  “No, I’m just surprised. You’ve said that you appreciate my honesty, and then you ask a question like this? I’m…”

  “Okay, I have to admit that hearing a guy answering your phone threw me. So yeah, maybe I’m asking questions too early. But I’m asking them anyhow.”

  When she didn’t say anything he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “You are in a relationship aren’t you?” Not being able to see her, he could feel his sense of hearing increase to the point he could hear her breathing into the phone. His groin tightened, and he stifled a groan.

  Her voice sounded strained. “I don’t think I could talk to you about the things I have if I was with someone else. For one thing, I doubt a partner would be receptive to our friendship, and for another I’d feel like I was cheating.”

  Grant tightened his hold on the phone. “Like I said, I’ve never had call to doubt you. If you were with someone, I’d guess he would know about me.”

  Her voice lost its softness, and he could hear the attorney take over. “Well now you know. I am not involved with anyone.” She’d strung out the words for emphasis.

  In spite of her reaction, he felt better for bringing it up. “I hear you, and just for the record, I’m not with anyone either.”

  He bit back the urge to tell her he hadn’t been with anyone for over a year and then thought, what the hell. “In fact, I haven’t been intimate with anyone for over a year.”

  His tone lightened. “I can hear what you’re thinking …”

  Before he could continue, she broke in, and he could hear the suppressed laughter in her voice. “Now, ummm, let me guess. You can hear me thinking that what you said was information overload. Right?”

  Before he could answer, she added, “Well, you’d be wrong.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I think you’re quite a man to be this open and...I think I like you more than I want to.”

  Grant swallowed. This conversation had taken a dive into deep water before they’d even cleared the dock. He struggled to find his voice. His senses aroused, he could swear he caught her scent. “When are you coming back to Montana?”

  If her voice was anything to go by, she was experiencing the same reactions as he was. “I hadn’t planned to come back.”

  He grasped at the past tense she used. Did it mean she had changed her mind? “Even with the e-mails we’ve been passing back and forth?”

  “I was under the impression you weren’t interested in fathering my child, Grant. Has that changed?”

  Grant didn’t trust his voice. He didn’t want to think of her carrying another man’s child no matter how it was conceived. So what was he going to do about it? He knew what he should do. He should cut off contact with Baylee before emotions took over. He shut his eyes as the ancient presence asserted itself yet again, making him wince at the sharp pain in his temple.

  He’d taken his cell phone out to the living room to make the call. Now he wished he was sitting at his desk. The gas fireplace gave off an intimacy
that he didn’t need.

  “Have you thought about going the traditional route? Like with a husband?”

  She immediately countered back. “You’ve said you want a family. Have you thought about a wife?”

  He caught the hesitation in her words, and suddenly the mood lightened. He laughed.

  She sounded indignant when she said, “You think I’m funny.”

  “No, I’m not laughing at you or anything you said. It’s just that we are in quite a position here. For one thing I like you. Really like you. I have enjoyed our e-mails, and I’m enjoying talking with you even more. And, here we are sitting a thousand miles apart.” He paused. “I guess I’m finding some humor in an impossible situation.”

  “And I’ll bet you’re wondering how in the world you got into this spot. And...I think I’m wondering the same thing.”

  Grant ran his free hand through his hair. “So what are we going to do about it?”

  Her answer came right back, and he again felt a response from inside himself. “I know what we should do about it. We...”

  “Wait!” He interrupted her. “Don’t say we need to break it off, because I’ve thought and rejected that idea. Baylee, I...”

  He swallowed and tried again. “I want to see you. Think about it, and I’ll do the same and call you tomorrow around the same time.”

  When she didn’t answer, he felt empty. Loneliness pressed in. Had he pushed too hard?

  Again he said the words, but this time they were barely above a whisper. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  He held his breath until he heard her reply. “Okay.”

  With tomorrow a promise, he hung up the phone and slipped out into the night. The night was cold, but he didn’t feel it like he should have. A deep sigh escaped him, and he bit back a mournful howl of anguish as the pain of loneliness washed over him.

  Chapter 9