Choose to Love [Blackhawk Brothers 2] (BookStrand Publishing Romance) Read online

  “I don’t know, Grant. When I saw you a couple of months ago, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. In fact, I felt so strongly about how I felt and what I wanted that I didn’t give much thought to how you would feel about me asking you for what I did.”

  He smiled. “Yeah, but you have to admit, you got my attention. Though I’m still not sure why me.”

  She laughed. “You know, I’m not either. I told myself it was your physical beauty.”

  Grant gave a soft whistle. “Wow, you do have a way with words. My beauty? Like what...?” He spread his hands out.

  A soft whop on his arm gave way to a chuckle. “You’re right. Beauty doesn’t exactly say it right. So okay, I liked what I saw. Dark, with what, even at first glance, looked like a Native American heritage, tall, obviously intelligent...”

  He started laughing again and held up his hands. “Stop, okay, okay. So you were attracted to my looks. And maybe that I’m a doctor. But you didn’t care if I had family, or if I’d make a good father?”

  “I didn’t care about those things because like I told you, I didn’t want anything more from you than...”

  Even in the dim lighting, Grant could see the flush on Baylee’s face. He imagined she might be feeling a little warm about now. The thought made him chuckle. She deserved a little discomfort.

  The waiter’s approach cut off any response from Grant. When he asked if they were ready for another drink, Baylee shook her head no. Grant slid out of the booth, laying down a big enough tip to compensate for taking up a booth for so long.

  “I need to get this. You paid for dinner.” Baylee reached into her purse, and Grant quickly covered her hand with his.

  She stiffened and frowned at him. “I don’t like you paying for everything. I thought that we had an agreement that we each pay our own way on the trip.”

  “I don’t remember discussing costs with you.”

  “Well, I thought it was a given. I would never have come and expected you to pay for everything.”

  He bit down on his lip, forcing himself to put what she said in perspective. Would he have liked it better if she’d let him take care of her? Hell yes. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t afford it.

  Baylee didn’t look any happier than he felt. She turned and walked out of the bar. He didn’t catch up with her until she reached the elevator.

  “Whoa, hold up. Paying or not paying isn’t worth ending a perfect day with anger.”

  He had to hand it to her. She didn’t play games. In what he had come to recognize as her open honesty, she smiled up at him.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry about my reaction. But not for wanting to pay my own way. Don’t do it again. When it’s my turn, let me pay.”

  He didn’t like it, but it wasn’t worth arguing about. Reaching around her, he punched the elevator button. “Want to take our conversation upstairs?”

  “Do you think that’s a good idea? I...”

  Again Grant watched the blush wash over her face. His body tightened in response. Good idea? Well, it all depended on what they expected of the night. It could very well be the best idea of the day.

  She looked so beautiful, slightly flushed from where her thoughts had taken her. He wanted to kiss her and more, but in the lobby? Now that for sure wasn’t a good idea.

  Thankfully, the elevator arrived before he could act on it. Empty, he again fought the inner fire that seemed to be increasing like a runaway freight train.

  When he’d exchanged the suite for two rooms, he’d thought it was a good idea. Now he felt like kicking himself.

  Baylee pulled out her key card before they reached her door. He noticed how she’d carefully kept a distance since her response to his suggestion that they take the conversation upstairs. Grant couldn’t help smiling.

  Reason warred with emotion. They were both tired. Tomorrow would be an early start if they wanted to catch that ferry. He could think of several more objections without half trying. The most important one being that he didn’t want her to wake up in the morning with regrets.

  His voice sounded raspy to his ears, and he watched as she picked up on it. “As much as I hate to say this, let’s table our discussion until tomorrow.”

  The relief he saw on her face made him glad he’d called a halt to where they had been going. He took the card from her hand and slid it through the lock. As soon as he opened the door, he handed it back to her.

  Her whispered, “Thank you,” should have eased the ache in his groin, but it didn’t. She leaned toward him, but he knew better than to take the kiss she offered. Before he could act, he mumbled a “good night” and started down the hall to his own room. Damn, it looked like another long night.

  Chapter 11

  Baylee’s hands hugged the cup of hot chocolate Grant brought her. The weather out on the deck of the ferry was cool but not uncomfortable as long as she stayed on the leeward side of the ship. She’d stood at the railing too long, though, and was feeling the chill. Grant put his arm around her and pulled back against him. It felt natural to snuggle into him. They hadn’t reopened their conversation of last night. Instead, they’d lapsed into periods of silence that, in their way, lent a deeper intimacy. Together, they watched the gulls dive and soar around the ferry.

  A couple strolled by and nodded to them. Grant’s whisper made her pulse speed up. “They think we’re lovers.”

  A laugh bubbled up in her throat. “No they don’t.”

  “Yeah, I think they do.” He smiled and gave her a saucy wink. Then took her hand and threaded his fingers through hers.

  Baylee sighed. One thing had changed, and that was the touching. She’d never liked to be touched. Even a man’s hand on her waist to guide her through a crowd bothered her. But with Grant it felt different, and she was surprised at how much she liked the feel of his hands, his arms, his mouth. And how much she liked to touch him. The difference in their bodies held a fascination for her. He was so much harder, so much stronger, and so much everything. She smiled up at him and was rewarded with a kiss.

  He pulled back and locked his gaze with hers. The intensity mesmerized her. It almost seemed surreal, like something in him called to her. She swallowed but held his gaze. She didn’t recognize her own voice. “What are we doing?”

  His voice was equally low. “I’m not sure, but I know it feels right.”

  She drew in a breath. “If we take this attraction to the next level, you’re going to think I seduced you to get what I want.”

  He took her empty cup from her and walked over to the garbage container. She was thankful he’d broken the spell that had seemed to hold them, but without his warmth she felt empty.

  She watched him walk back to her. The wind caught at his jacket, pulling it against him, and reminded her of the day she’d met him in the meadow. He’d had his shirt off. A sweet pain radiated from her womb, and she lowered her eyes so he wouldn’t see how he affected her.

  He motioned her to a bench against the wall and slid onto the seat beside her. Turning, he took both her hands in his. “This isn’t about a baby. This is about you and me. It’s about what we want...about what we need.”

  “But…”

  “Shush.” He placed the tips of his fingers against her lips. “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes, but…”

  Again he silenced her with his fingers. “I trust you, too. You’ve been honest with me from the first. If you didn’t go the seduction route in the beginning, why would I think you would do it now?”

  Baylee felt a weight lift from around her heart. “I don’t want to risk losing your trust.”

  His voice deepened. “You won’t.”

  They sat in silence until someone shouted that whales had been sighted. He stood and pulled her up beside him. “Come on. Let’s go see. We have all day to iron out some of the rough edges.”

  Almost immediately, a crowd formed at the rail. Since they’d already been outside, they had a good position to see the whales, but Grant moved be
hind her to give others a chance. It seemed natural for him to put his arm around her waist, and she leaned back. The excitement of the crowd paled in comparison to the feeling she got from his hard body pressed against her.

  Baylee tamped down her feelings when a large orca cleared the water and crashed back down on its back. A man standing beside them said, “Breached. Magnificent, huh?” Baylee nodded and tilted her head back to laugh up at Grant. “This is absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much for suggesting this trip.”

  “You live in San Francisco. Haven’t you been out in the bay?”

  “I took a harbor cruise with Jeffrey and Tracy, but it wasn’t anything like this.”

  He hugged her closer. “Well, it looks like our whale guests have gone on their way. Ready to go in and get warm?”

  As much as she hated to admit it, she was cold. She linked her arm in his and started toward the door. She had found her sea legs, but the water was choppy enough to throw her off balance. When the next jolt hit, she found herself clinging to Grant to keep from falling. She heard him draw in a deep breath, and heat surged through her.

  He slowly drew back and motioned to a small table out of the way of traffic. “You hungry?”

  “No, but I probably will be when we get to Friday Harbor. If you want something though, go ahead.”

  “I’m fine. We don’t have too long before we dock.”

  Baylee leaned her arms on the table. “So, ready to continue the conversation we started last night?”

  Grant laughed. “You do get to the point. I like that about you. So last night you ended with you thinking that you knew what you wanted, but now…”

  He had too good a memory. Baylee took a breath. She’d started this, and it seemed only fair that she follow through. “Now? I’m not sure. Like I said, I’ve given what you said about how a child will feel a lot of thought. I have to consider the possibility that my motives are somewhat selfish. I may be only thinking of myself and of what I want and need.”

  “I don’t think you’re selfish. Everyone wants someone to love, someone to love them.”

  Baylee loved Grant’s voice. It reminded her of rich, creamy chocolate. She didn’t know how to answer and waited, hoping he’d say more.

  The silence stretched out, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. When he reached over, she put her hand in his and drew in a breath. “Yes, but when you depend on someone else, especially a child for your happiness, you are placing a horrible burden on them.”

  “You’re right, but I don’t think you’d ever allow that to happen. I think anyone you love will be very lucky.” She squeezed his hand and drew hers back across the table. “Thank you.” She paused, letting her words hang between them. Sitting back, she looked over at him. “I’m going to work on some changes in my life. For example, I’ve been thinking about selling the office-slash-home combination. I think it’s time I had a place where I can make a real home. I’ve already started making plans.”

  She glanced out the window as the ferry glided so close to an island it felt like she could almost jump over to it. They watched as the island slid by. Again, the silence felt right.

  Grant broke it. “Is there any possibility of moving to Montana in your plans for a change?”

  She looked over and caught his gaze. Could he be serious? She’d worked hard to build up Gallagher and Parker. She made a good living, one where she could easily support a child. But even more important, she’d worked hard to gain complete independence. And that she couldn’t give up.

  A wave of regret bordering on sadness washed over Baylee as she wondered how she and Grant could possibly carry on any sort of relationship. A few snatched weekends, e-mails, and phone calls? How could it ever work?

  She knew that he saw her withdrawal and tried to lighten the mood with a smile. “Now that would be more than a change. It would be more like a major upheaval.”

  Baylee bit her bottom lip. If she didn’t watch it, she would ruin a perfect day. She stood, wobbled with the motion from the ferry, and carefully moved away from the table. “I’ll be back in a minute and will bring some coffee with me.”

  She slumped back against the door of the bathroom stall and let the tears flow down her face. How could she give Grant up? How could she not? Did he really mean it when he’d asked her about moving to Montana? Oh my gosh, I can’t be falling in love with him.

  Baylee fought the tears. Enough. She couldn’t be in love. Lust? Maybe. Well, if this one weekend was all they were going to have, she’d darn well better get a grip and not ruin it with thoughts of what couldn’t be.

  With renewed resolve, she made her way to the sink and splashed water on her face. Thank heavens she didn’t need makeup.

  As she carefully made her way back to the table, she watched Grant. He hadn’t moved, but he had a look of resignation. Had he come to the same realization that she had? That this weekend might well be all they would have? If so, what did he intend to do? Would he want more than a simple good night? And if he did, then what? She again felt a surge of warmth flood, followed by excitement and something else. Something she couldn’t define.

  They sipped their coffee. Grant appeared thoughtful and as on edge as she was. The ferry lurched, and a father carrying a toddler braced himself against their table to steady himself. Dimpled baby hands rested trustingly on the father’s shoulder.

  Grant stood up and motioned the man to sit down. When Baylee stood up beside him, he said, “We were just going to go out on deck.” A young woman smiled her thanks and slid onto Baylee’s vacated seat.

  Baylee watched the exchange between the two people. If she went ahead with vitro, her child would never know the protective strength of a father’s arms. Never sleep on a masculine shoulder, never feel the love and safety this little guy took for granted. She tipped her head down. Grant would see what she was thinking. He always seemed to be able to read her mind, and it disarmed her. Well, she was an attorney and a good one. She knew how to mask her feelings, and it was about time she started doing just that.

  A wind had picked up, and the rest of the trip was choppy, making it hard to walk around the deck. When Grant motioned toward the railing, she nodded and made her way toward it. He stayed behind her, close enough to help if she lost her balance, but he didn’t touch her. The comment about moving to Montana and her reaction seemed to have put a restraint on their closeness to the point where the earlier touching didn’t seem so natural now.

  Baylee watched as the little town of Friday Harbor came into view. Quaint-looking shops edged the side of a hilly street. It looked lazy in the afternoon sun. Nothing like the hustle and bustle of busy San Francisco. She took a deep breath. When she let it out, she felt herself relax back into the mood of the morning. The mood before they’d talked about her moving. She looked back, and Grant smiled at her. Again, she had the surreal feeling that he was in tune with her inner thoughts. Never had she felt so close to someone. She even kept a little guard up with Jeffrey and Tracy, who were the closest friends she’d ever had.

  They stepped off the ferry ramp, and Grant took her arm to pull her to the side. “Are you hungry? We have almost two hours before we start back.”

  With the light back in their day, Baylee felt like people in a musical when they danced and sang with their arms spread open. A laugh bubbled out of her. Grant didn’t seem to think it strange and even joined her. It felt so darn good to be alive. She hugged his arm and nudged him forward. “I am hungry, but I don’t want to waste a minute of this town. Could we sort of explore and stop if we find somewhere we want to eat?”

  “You bet we can. Are you warm enough?”

  He’d put his arm around her shoulders. She wrapped hers around his waist and looked up at him. “I am now.”

  The stores were busy, adding to the excitement of the day. They browsed, and she found a couple of T-shirts advertising the islands. “These will be perfect for Jeffrey’s girls. Jeffrey always teases me about spoiling them, but I never buy extravagan
t gifts. The girls seem to like treasure bags with cheap little things in them more.”

  Grant pointed to a couple of sea lions with cute expressions. Baylee chuckled. “These are perfect. They both love stuffed animals. Oh, and they even have different colors.”

  Grant laughed. “It doesn’t take much to make you happy.” He picked up a smaller version of the ones Baylee held. “Guess I need to take lessons from you. I’ll have my work cut out to stay the favorite uncle, what with Devon’s computer skills. He’ll edge me out when Caleb gets old enough to reach the keyboard.”

  “It doesn’t take them long to discover computers, that’s for sure. Jeffrey says that they have to monitor computer time closer than TV time.”

  Satisfied, they made their way back toward the water. Grant had the look of a man with a mission, and she smiled. He had to be hungry, because with the excitement of the town settling down, she felt hunger pangs herself.

  She pointed toward a restaurant they’d passed coming off the ferry. “We still have almost an hour, and it isn’t as crowded now.”

  A few minutes later they had creamy clam chowder in front of them. Baylee didn’t remember when she’d tasted anything as good. Or enjoyed it more. Being with Grant was—just what did she feel? She’d told him more about her life than she’d intended to. Years of keeping to herself made it hard to share her feelings, and yet she hadn’t found it hard with Grant. She laughed more and felt more. The thought of leaving him tomorrow left a hollow feeling in her.

  She felt his gaze and looked up. What she saw in his eyes made her draw in a breath. Thankfully, she didn’t have a mouth full of chowder to choke on. She watched as, still holding her gaze, he brought a creamy bite up to his mouth. She felt a warm surge flow through her, and unlike before, she held his gaze with her own.

  A burst of laughter from the table across from them broke their hold, and Baylee lowered her eyes. “This is good. I guess I was hungry. You should have said something.”