Choose to Love [Blackhawk Brothers 2] (BookStrand Publishing Romance) Read online

  He didn’t stop or slow down until he skidded to a stop in front of her car. “Get out.”

  Her car had him blocked. Why hadn’t she thought to pull it to the side of the trail? Darn!

  “But …”

  His voice was low and menacing and again sounded almost like a growl. Baylee knew she should be terrified and ready to run, but she couldn’t make herself move to open the door. Instead, she turned toward him.

  Grant reached over her and grabbed the handle, wrenching the door open. “I said I’m not interested.”

  “I know you did, but I’ll come back tomorrow. After you think it over, you might change your mind.”

  Chapter 2

  When she didn’t open her door, Grant reached past her and opened it for her. “Tomorrow won’t change anything. Our conversation is over. Get out of the truck.”

  “You don’t have to be so angry. Think about it. Would you have been upset if I’d seduced you? Say I’d waited and caught you in the bar and taken you back to my room. Would that have bothered you?”

  “Hell no! You might find it hard to believe, but men do have control. At least by the time we leave puberty. If I’d have let you seduce me, I would have used protection. Let me remind you, you weren’t talking about mutually enjoyable sex back there. You were talking about stud service.”

  Her voice flashed anger back at him through a niggling bit of guilt. “You are being unnecessarily crude.”

  Irritation at his body’s betrayal surged through him as he felt the familiar ache of desire. Damn, she was beautiful. Angry, her eyes were giving off sparks exciting him to a point of pain. He’d noticed her when she’d been at the clinic a few months back. He’d caught her looking at him and had been about to go up and introduce himself when she’d hugged Alicia and left.

  He’d even asked Alicia about her. Then out of the blue, she’d called him a couple of nights ago and asked if she could talk to him about something personal. Since then, he’d played with ideas of what she wanted. Never in his wildest imagination would he have guessed something like this.

  Baylee jutted out her chin and shut the truck door. She looked like she was in his truck to stay. “If I leave, I’ll lose any chance to convince you to do this for me.”

  “You’ve got that right. I have no intention of bringing a child into the world without a father. Even if I didn’t have extremely strong feelings against it, my family would string me up.”

  “Your family wouldn’t know about it. I have no intention of anyone knowing.”

  “Oh and how do you propose to be inseminated, with a turkey baster?

  Grant watched as emotion played over Baylee’s face, and she blushed. Good! Maybe she was beginning to see how ludicrous this idea of hers was.

  No sooner had the thought formed in his mind and her chin came up in what he was beginning to equate with tenacious stubbornness.

  He guessed that she didn’t like his reference to a turkey baster when she spit words out at him. “Funny! You’re right. If we go with that option. However, no one outside the medical people involved would know, and as you are well aware, they can’t divulge that information.”

  “You’re talking like we’ve moved on to consideration of this asinine idea of yours.”

  Baylee looked over at him and made eye contact. He felt a jolt of want as her gaze held his. In return, he moved his gaze over her. Long legs, that the tight jeans only accentuated, held his attention for a second. Her waist was small, and he wouldn’t be surprised to find his hands could span it. Back at the meadow he’d noticed how her hips flared, lending her a soft feminine look. The only thing that he saw that disappointed him was her hair. Cut in an extreme short style, it seemed to be at odds with what looked to be Indian ancestry.

  He closed his eyes for a second. He was feeling things that excited him in ways he’d only imagined. For the first time in a long time, he felt his wolf lineage, and with it an overpowering need to…what? He shook his head. He would not give in to the primitive curse. An ancient calling, it lay dormant for generations.

  When he heard Baylee suck in her breath, he shifted in his seat to ease the tightness in his groin. “Are you going to get out of my truck?” His voice sounded husky to his ears.

  Hers came back in a whisper. “No, at least not until you agree to at least think about it.”

  His hands gripped the steering wheel. “For crying out loud, how much more do you need? You’re right. I have been crude, like what you propose isn’t?”

  She dropped her gaze to her hands. He had to strain to hear her words. “It doesn’t have to be. I’d try really hard to make it enjoyable for you.” She paused and took a deep breath. Her eyes looked bruised, and her next words rushed out in a jumble that Grant had to work at hearing. “I have my medical records, and I’m not…”

  When she again drew in a breath, he could hear it shaking. This was painful, and he ached to put a stop to it, but instead he quietly waited for her to go on.

  “I’m not active.” She raised her gaze to his.

  He had to hand to her. She had guts. He’d bet it was more than being inactive. The way she sounded, he wasn’t sure she’d ever been with a man. Compassion warred within him. “You want a baby really bad, don’t you?”

  She nodded.

  “Bad enough to go to bed with a total stranger, bad enough to go through nine months, and bad enough to go through labor by yourself?”

  Again she nodded.

  He closed his eyes. He should get her out of his truck and drive off, but she looked so sad. No, more like desperate. It was easier to be angry when she’d had that determined ‘I want my way’ look. No way would he consider her proposal. Ever! So what in the hell was he doing sitting here?

  “Look, you made your argument. Nevertheless, I strongly recommend you to reconsider. Speaking clinically, if you really are determined to do this, the sperm bank is your best option. For one thing, it’s anonymous. There are a bundle of other considerations, but that alone is a big one. Without anonymity, the father, and I use the term loosely, could be made to take responsibility. Like child support.”

  He winced at the hopeful tone in her voice. “I’d sign papers.”

  Grant fought the snide remark that came to mind. “Come on, I’m not an attorney, but even I know the courts don’t give a rat’s ass about a signed paper. They’re all about what’s best for the child.”

  “But I wouldn’t want you in our lives. I’d never…”

  He cut her off. “You say that now. What about the vows loving couples say before God and witnesses? People change. Life changes. What guy would risk it? And for what, a night in the sack. I don’t think so.”

  He ran his hand through his hair. How in the hell had he gotten into this? He took a breath, not giving her a chance to say anything. “Now, speaking more personally, have you really thought this out? Or has it been more like a child wanting a toy and doing anything she can to get it?”

  He saw the anger his last words had invoked, and when Baylee opened her mouth, he didn’t let her get a word out before he again held up his hand to silence her. “Let me finish. Like, have you thought that your baby will grow up and want to know about his father? What about when the other kids have dads to do things with. Do you intend to pursue a relationship for that in the same way you’ve gone after the conception?”

  Full darkness had descended, but his night vision was unusual, and he could make out her features almost as well as in full light. Even so, the dark added an intimacy he didn’t want or need. Did she feel it? He doubted it. If she was a virgin, or close to it, she probably only felt discomfort or maybe fear.

  With a sigh, he gave up. He needed to get her out of his truck and put a little distance between them. “Okay, let’s pack it in. I’ll think about it.”

  She swung out of the truck. Holding the door open, she faced him. The overhead light cast a glow on her upturned face. “I’m not a child, and I’d never go back on my word. I’ll call you to
morrow.”

  He waited for her to get in her car and back out to the road. He’d said that he would think about it. Hell, what man wouldn’t think about it? He knew that she would assume he’d think about her proposal. Not a chance. It was the act itself that threatened to keep him awake tonight.

  Chapter 3

  Grant pushed the button to lower his window and sucked in the cool night air. She’d gotten to him. Not her proposal, though it certainly got his attention, but the mechanics of it. He pushed back his seat in an attempt to relieve the tightness in his groin. Maybe he should head over to Spokane and see if he could get a little action. He could spend the night and head back a better man in the morning. Or not, he’d had his fill of one night stands. They didn’t appeal to him like they once had.

  By the time he’d parked the truck at his condo he’d finished talking himself out of it. A couple of shots of the Connemara whisky his brother had given him for Christmas sounded better. “You’re a sad case when you start thinking like this,” he mumbled to himself.

  He had just opened the door when Brad’s truck pulled in next to his. He held up his hand and waited for his friend. This was good. Watching the ball game with Brad would take his mind off Baylee. Ironically, he hadn’t even thought of her first name until just now. When she’d started by calling him Doctor Blackhawk, he’d in return used her surname.

  Grant clapped Brad on the back. “Hey, good buddy. What brings you out on a Saturday night?”

  His voice trailed off as he got a look at Brad’s face. “What happened? Is it the kids? Gracie?”

  Brad mumbled something and made his way to the fridge. With long time familiarity, he grabbed a couple of beers and handed one to Grant.

  “Hey, bro. Give. What’s happened?”

  Brad chugged a quarter of his bottle. “Gracie took the kids and left me.”

  Grant knew Brad and Gracie had been having problems for over a year, so he wasn’t surprised it had taken this turn. And no doubt there were two sides to the story, but he knew his sympathy would lay with Brad. He also knew that it wasn’t fair, but Brad had enough to contend with right now. He didn’t think it would have hurt Gracie to support him.

  “You think it was because of the job?”

  Brad shook his head and pulled out a kitchen chair. “The bank folding didn’t help things. However, we were in trouble before that.”

  Brad had been the senior loan officer and made good money, but when the national economy tanked, the bank went with it.

  Brad’s smile looked like more of a grimace. “What do they say? Money and sex are the two major reasons for divorce.”

  “Yeah, something like that.” Grant didn’t want to get into a subject about sex tonight. Just the word brought a vision of Baylee to mind. He quickly honed in on money to get his mind off sex. “How bad are the finances? Is there anything I can do to help?”

  Brad took another long chug of his beer, draining the bottle. Lurching to his feet, he headed back to the fridge. Grant didn’t stop him. It wouldn’t be the first time Brad had crashed on Grant’s couch for the night. A few more beers wouldn’t make that much difference at this point.

  “Thanks, pal. I’m okay for a while. At least I will be if Gracie doesn’t get greedy. The house is secure, and both of the cars are on leases that are about ready to expire.”

  He laughed, but it came out more like a snort. “You know how frugal I am, though Gracie calls it cheap.”

  Grant rubbed the back of his neck. Cripes, why did people get married? He’d been best man at Brad and Gracie’s wedding. He was godfather to both of their kids. What happened to love and honor, in sickness and in health?

  The image of Baylee telling him the concept of love was a bunch of bull hockey came to mind. After her argument on the subject, Brad’s problems were like one more nail in the coffin of marriage. True commitment was as scarce as what, hen’s teeth? Were his parents and brother exceptions? He’d been contemplating a family. He’d even decided to give up condo living and build a house. Now he wasn’t so sure.

  Brad sat back down at the table. “She said that she wants some space to find herself. Hell, I didn’t know she was lost.”

  “So, maybe this is just a break. The past few months have no doubt been hard on her, too. Did she go to her parents?”

  “No, not to Karen and John’s, I called them. They were upset, but at least she told them what she was doing and that she was staying with a friend in Helena. They said that they didn’t know until just before she left. I’m surprised she didn’t confide in them sooner.”

  “How long has she been gone?”

  Brad shook his head. “I went over to the club this morning and came home to a quiet house and a note. She must have busted her butt to pack the kids and herself up in that short of time.”

  The look on Brad’s face broke Grant’s heart. Brad had always been the good guy. The one everyone could go to. He’d envied him his wife and kids. Grant didn’t want to admit it, but he was lonely. Until recently, he’d had his brother, Cooper, but now that Coop was married and a new father, he didn’t have the time to hang out with him. Instead, Grant spent time holding and playing with Cooper’s little son, and it made him want to give up bachelorhood. Or so he’d thought yesterday. Today, the state of being single was looking a whole lot better. And a whole lot safer.

  Brad slumped in his chair. “I think she’s seeing someone.”

  “What makes you say that? With two preteens, when would she find time?”

  “Yeah, well you know what they say? Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And she for sure hasn’t been a loving wife with me.”

  Grant pushed back thoughts that made him feel disloyal. Like what about Brad’s lack of attention to Gracie. He knew his friend had been a workaholic. When he’d lost his job, he had turned to golf and hanging out at the local bar. How many times had he dropped by or called and found Gracie home alone?

  He looked at the clock over the stove and was surprised to see it was after ten o’clock. “Let’s get a bed made up for you.”

  Brad protested. “I can get home.”

  “No, you know I’m not going to let you drive, and while the walk might do you good, if you pass out in the ditch, I’m going to feel like a very bad friend when you are found there in the morning.”

  Brad gave up and let Grant put him to bed. With a sigh, Grant turned off the light and made his way upstairs to his own bed. He was tired. Cooper was coming over in the morning, and they were going to start clearing for the house. Grant had been putting it off, but ever since Cooper’s wedding, he’d been unsettled. Figuring it was too much time in the condo, he’d decided to follow his brother’s lead and build a home.

  Trouble was, a house was just a house without a family.

  Chapter 4

  Baylee sipped her first cup of morning coffee while she scanned her e-mails. It was late, already ten o’clock. She couldn’t remember the last time she had slept past six.

  When she’d gotten back to the lodge last night, she’d ordered room service and then couldn’t eat more than a few bites. Her mind kept running through what had happened after her proposition to Grant. What did he think of her? Hah, that wasn’t hard to figure. He no doubt thought she was a nutcase. It probably would have been better to have gone with the seduction route. As much as she detested doing something so sneaky and dishonest, she wasn’t sure her desire for a baby wouldn’t have overridden her integrity if he hadn’t been a doctor. So much for thinking a man of science would look at it objectively and unemotionally.

  So what had happened out there in the meadow? Because whatever it was, it sure hadn’t been unemotional.

  A hundred and twenty e-mails, cripes, she needed to get this baby thing sewed up and get back to San Francisco. She had cleared her calendar for two weeks, knowing that it wasn’t all that much time to accomplish the objective of the trip. However, if the good doctor wasn’t going to participate…she bit back a laugh. “Participate?�
�� Well, what else could she call it? Anyway, if he wasn’t, she needed to switch to plan B.

  Baylee took another sip. Should she call him today or let it alone for a couple of days to give him time to think about it?

  She knew waiting would drive her nuts, so she figured it would be better to take the proactive course. With her mind made up, she quickly showered and dressed. Hopefully she could catch him at the clinic. Maybe he would look at this more professionally in that setting. Besides, she really hated the disadvantage she had felt in the meadow.

  * * * *

  An hour later, Baylee came out of the clinic, resigned to go back out to the meadow. Not that Grant would be there, but she didn’t know where else to look. She had thought about phoning him but had immediately rejected the idea. She didn’t want to give him the opportunity to tell her he didn’t want to see her. An excitement surged through her, making her pulse speed up. She had never felt anything like what she had felt last night being so close to him in the truck. No, phoning wasn’t a good option. If he was going to tell her he wouldn’t consider fathering her baby, he’d have to do it in person.

  A sigh escaped as she admitted to herself that if he was still strongly opposed to her proposition, staying in Blackhawk wouldn’t do her any good. It would be time to retreat in hopes she had planted seeds of thought. Besides, this felt too much like stalking. She also needed to come up with an incentive, because she had to be honest, there really wasn’t anything in this for him. Well, except for a few nights of…yeah right, like he was in need. Or, that she’d be all that good in bed.

  Baylee pulled the car to the side of the trail leading into the meadow. She didn’t want to make the same mistake of blocking the access road again. Apprehension made her pulse race. If anything, it was worse today than last night. She didn’t intimidate easily, but Grant had a way about him that unsettled her. Up close, he’d been just as handsome as he’d been across the hospital lobby when she’d first seen him. Well maybe more so, but he hadn’t been as approachable as she’d thought he would be. Darn, maybe she should have waited and made an appointment to talk to him at the clinic.